105. Eight Ways to Deal with Dominant People at Work

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So in this podcast, you can expect to make it all interviews with amazing thought leaders and then some solo episodes from myself as well. Hello and welcome to this solo episode of the Ways to Change Your Workplace podcast with myself, your host, Prina Shah. And today I wanted to be talking to you about eight ways to deal with dominant people at work. We've all been there, so let's talk about it. Dealing with dominant people at work can be challenging and stressful. Enough said there. So whether it's a boss, a colleague, or a team member, their dominant behavior can often hinder collaboration, communication, and overall productivity and just the vibe of the team and the vibe of the place that you work at, right? However, there are effective strategies that can help you navigate these situations and maintain a positive work environment. And that's what I want to talk to you about in this episode. I want to explore eight ways to deal with dominant people at work, and again, this is a juicy practical episode, so I'm going to provide practical tips and insights to help you to handle these situations with confidence, professionalism, and so that you keep your composure. That's what it's all about as well. Yeah? So first off, I want to go into understanding dominant behavior. We need to recognize dominant behavior and identifying the signs of dominance. So dominant behavior can manifest in various ways in the workplace, and there's some common signs to look out for. Sign number one, talking over others. Dominant individuals often interrupt or talk over their colleagues, disregarding their opinions or contributions. Sign number two, dominant people often control conversations. They tend to dominate discussions and steer them towards their own agenda and their own viewpoints. Point number three, asserting authority. Dominant people may assert their power and authority in an excessive or intimidating manner, making others feel subordinate to them. Point number five, disregarding boundaries. They may invade personal space, ignore personal boundaries, or overstep professional boundaries. And point number five, and this is a repeat issue that happens in the workplace, micromanaging. Now people don't see this as dominant behavior, but micromanaging completely is dominant behavior. Dominant individuals often feel the need to control every aspect of a project or a task, undermining the autonomy and expertise of others. So it's important to recognize these signs to effectively deal with dominant people at work and maintain a healthy and collaborative work environment. So these signs again are sign number one, talking over others. Sign number two, controlling conversations, sign number three, asserting authority when it's not needed, and in the workplace, really, you don't need to chest beat and yeah, do all of that, it's unnecessary. Point number four, disregarding boundaries, and point number five, micromanaging. So I want you to consider if you've got someone in mind, you're listening to this podcast for a reason, if you've got that dominant person in mind, do they fit into any of the categories of talking over others, controlling conversations, asserting their authority, disregarding boundaries, or are they a micromanager? Now we need to have compassion. So yes, absolutely, you need to recognize the signs to be able to effectively deal with them. But let's go into analyzing underlying motivations for these behavior traits of dominant people. So one way to explore reasons behind dominant behavior at work is to observe and analyze the patterns of behavior exhibited by the dominant person. I recommend you pay attention on how they interact with others, their tone of voice, and the body language that they use. This can provide you clues about their underlying motivations. Are they like this all the time? Or are they like this only with certain people or only in certain situations? Is there a pattern of dominant behavior happening here that you can see? And try to identify any triggers or situations that seem to provoke the dominant behavior. Is there a specific topic or task that brings out their dominance? Understanding the triggers can help shed light on reasons behind their behavior, and then you are armed with information to be able to have a conversation if you wish to address it. So, how to have an open and honest conversation with the dominant person, you ask. Now, it's really important to express your observations and concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Ask them about their intentions and motivations and try to understand their perspective. Compassion is key here. I truly believe that no one wakes up thinking that I'm gonna be a dickhead today. I would rather give the person the benefit of the doubt to begin with and then go from there. It can also be helpful to seek feedback from your colleagues or supervisors who have experience dealing with that dominant person. They might have insights or suggestions on how to navigate the situation. Now remember, you don't want to gossip here, you don't want to talk behind people's backs, but you really want to address the situation. So that's what that conversation is about. So by exploring the reasons behind dominant behavior, you can gain a better understanding of the individual and their motivations, which can help you develop strategies to effectively deal with them at work. So you have to build your assertiveness skills here, and for yourself, you have to develop self-confidence. So enhancing your own self-esteem and your own self-worth is essential with this. I want to ask you, how do you respond to the dominant person? Are you submissive or do you hold your ground? And then the other question as well: do you practice positive self-talk and you know affirmations? What is your inner voice to yourself like? Are you your own friend or are you your own foe? That's a big question. And there's a big element of assertive communication that's needed. So the kind of techniques I recommend are using I statements to express your thoughts and your feelings. That's really helpful because no one can deny how you feel when you use the I statement. And then setting clear boundaries and expectations. So here you need to be clear with your communication. Now I've got an example for you. When I first moved to Australia and started working here, I was working in an amazing team working on organizational culture change, and I had a really good manager who I respected highly. But one of the things that they used to do in our meetings was talk over me or dismiss what I'd said, and this was a repeat behavior, and it got really uncomfortable, and I really felt that I was being talked down to repeatedly and repeatedly in front of our stakeholders, our customers, and you know, important people. And I was still trying to build my career and you know, build my reputation and all of that. And when I'm being talked down to, the perception of the other of our stakeholders and you know, my peers was that I wasn't that good or I didn't know too much because I was always shut down when I started to talk. So this happened probably for a month or so, and I observed and I took notes, and then I thought this has to stop. I need to have a conversation. So I asked this manager to have a coffee with me, and I spoke with them about the behaviors that I had observed, and because of the fact that I had all of my notes from the various meetings, uh, I was pretty direct in saying, hey, in blah blah meeting or blah blah day, you stated blah blah which talked over me and dismissed everything that I was talking about. And anyway, you get the gist of it. I had a very direct conversation using facts and not emotions. And it was a tough conversation to have, definitely so. And the person I was speaking with felt very confronted, very much so. But hey, it was a confrontational conversation, but I did it respectfully so. The outcome of that was that the person said they didn't actually realize their behavior. The person said that they had been so under stressed because we were working on so many big, big, amazing and exciting projects that they just wanted to get everything right. So I looked at it as a blank slate and I understood that person and where they were coming from, and I asked them if we could start afresh again with new behaviours. And I told them my perspective as well, in that here I am, brand new to Australia, trying to build my career and my reputation. And do you see how this comes across to our stakeholders and to our peers with all of the amazing work that we're doing? And that person understood my point of view as well. So the way forward for both of us was to work as a collective, as a team. And oh my god, I had the best time working with them afterwards, and this person is one of my closest friends now, so there you go. After I left the organization, we have kept in touch since. So it's really worth having that conversation, as icky as it may feel. So I want to talk to you now about effective conflict resolution because that's exactly what I did. Active listening is a key element of this, so paying attention during that conversation and showing empathy. What I also did was uh reflected and I paraphrased to ensure my understanding of their situation. And then we got to a stage of collaborative problem solving, and we seeked, we sought win-win solutions, as I told you, and we encouraged open dialogue with each other and brainstorming of how we could just have the best team going forward. So we were united. So collaborative problem solving and effective listening are essential skills to develop. The other thing I really worked on was to establish my own boundaries and setting, you know, personal or professional boundaries. So I identified my personal limits and my values, and I want to ask you: have you identified your own personal limits, your own values, and your own boundaries? What are your boundaries? Have you considered them? And then the big thing after that is to communicate your boundaries assertively. So without articulating your boundaries, nothing's gonna change. So when I hold team optimization sessions, we deep dive into these hard conversations about what gives you joy, what triggers you at work, and how you would like people to respond. The thing is, we're all random individuals put together in a team. We don't know each other often at that deeper level. And most teams don't discuss working in this manner, and that is their downfall. Because when shit hits the fan, it's too late by then to do the proactive work. So if you want to learn about team optimization sessions, drop me a direct message and we'll have a conversation about it because they are the best thing that you can do. But let's get back to boundaries. Enforcing professional boundaries, addressing your boundary violations promptly and assertively is the key. So once people have articulated their boundaries, let's use my team optimization session again, and others have heard them with the teams that I support, they then have a green card to call out that behavior, to address boundary violations promptly and assertively without any ill-feeling. So it really sets you up to go forth and prosper, you know, the team health sessions. So addressing boundary violations promptly and assertively at work can be challenging, but it's so essential for maintaining a healthy and productive work environment. So I want to share some steps with you. So here are some steps you can take. Step number one, recognize the boundary violation, be aware of what constitutes a boundary violation in your workplace. It could be anything from someone consistently interrupting your work through to a colleague taking credit for your ideas. Whatever it is, it is true to you. And then number two, you have to assess the situation. And that's why I gave my example. I assess the situation, right? So before taking any action, evaluate the severity and the impact of the boundary violation. You also need to determine if it's a one-time incident or if it's a recurring pattern of behavior. Number three, this is exactly what I did, and you should and could also document the incidents. Keep a record of all instances of boundary violations, including dates, times, and the details of what happened. This documentation will be crucial if you need to escalate the issues later on, or for you to have the conversation. And there you go, point number four, communicate assertively. When addressing the boundary violation, it's important to communicate your concerns clearly and assertively, using I statements to express how the behavior is affecting you and to emphasize the need for respectful boundaries. You need to choose point number five is choose the right time and place. Find an appropriate setting to discuss the issue privately with the person involved. Avoid confronting them in front of others, as it might just escalate the situation and make resolution more difficult. So a private place would be much better and make it timely as well. Don't leave it for too long after the incident has occurred. Point number six, be specific and objective. So you need to drop the emotions here, as emotive as you might be feeling. Uh-uh, drop them. You need to clearly explain the specific behavior that violated your boundaries, and you need to provide examples. Focus on the impact it had on your work and your well-being if that's the case. And then point number seven, set your new boundaries. So clearly articulate your boundaries and expectations moving forward. Be firm but respectful in communicating what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. And point number eight, seek support if you need. If the boundary violation continues or escalates after addressing it directly, consider seeking support from a mentor, a manager, your human resources department, whoever. They can provide guidance and help to mediate the situation if that's where we've got to. So remember, addressing boundary violations promptly and assertively is crucial for maintaining a good work environment. And by taking these steps, you can assert your own boundaries and ensure that your workplace remains respectful and productive to these dominant people. So sometimes you may well need to seek mediation and support. So you can discuss the situation and seek advice from HR and whoever you need to, and identify potential solutions and strategies if you need to get to that stage. You could also involve a mediator, and I've mediated many curly conversations for people at a very crucial level, you know, within their workplace. So engaging a neutral third party to facilitate an open communication is essential, and there's lots of different mediation techniques that you can use to resolve conflicts. That's from another podcast episode. But I want to conclude by saying that dealing with dominant people at work can be challenging, but it's so so important to remember that you have the power to navigate these situations effectively. By understanding that dominant behavior, by building your assertiveness skills, by practicing effective conflict resolution, by establishing your boundaries and absolutely seeking support when needed, you can create a better workplace environment. And remember, it's not overpowering the dominant person, it's not about that whatsoever. But rather, it's about finding a balance that allows everybody's collaboration and contribution and mutual respect. That's why we go to work. You don't want it to be a shitty place to be. So I wish you well in addressing the issues that you need to with the dominant people in your workplace. And I'll see you in the next episode. If you like this episode, check out the show notes and sign up to my newsletter. That will help your workplace to be less shitty. It's full of novel ideas, good food for thought. And if you like this episode, put it on to only two people who will benefit. That's your good feed done for the day. Also, remember to subscribe to the Way to Train Your Workplace Podcast via your podcast provider. And I will see you in the next episode.