89. How to Mend a Broken Work Relationship with Prina Shah

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Hello, and welcome to this episode of Ways to Change the WordPace with myself Prina Char. I love what I do. I'm a global leadership coach, a consultant, a trainer, a keynote speaker, a podcaster. I help you to develop your leaders, your teams, and I help you to optimize your organizational cultures. I'm here to help you find ways to change your workplace. Why? Because we spend more time in our waking days at work than we do with our loved ones. It has to be a good place to be. So in this podcast, you can expect a mix of interviews with amazing thought leaders and then some solo episodes from myself as well. Now, work relationships really are like any other relationship. They have good days and oh my gosh, they have bad days. And when work relationships break, it can feel very monumental, it can feel very end off, it can feel like you've got a full stop on that professional relationship. And it need not be the case. The thing is we have to work well together, we have to break silos, and we have to collaborate. So we have to mend broken working relationships when they go awry. And guaranteed, we are human, not everything's gonna go well, we will have disagreements and we will have broken work relationships. But today we are gonna be focusing on how to mend a broken work relationship, and I've got a few tips for you. So, tip number one is to reflect on your contribution. Begin by reflecting on your role in the conflict and consider how your behavior or actions may have contributed to the strained relationship. Now this can be covert or overt, you need to work out what that is. So I have a question for you, or many questions for you, in relation to reflecting on your contribution in this broken work relationship. Do you have past patterns in relationships? We really need to look in the mirror here. Do certain types of personalities take more work than other types for you? And what role have you played in this relationship? When I give training on conflict resolution and how to work well with people, I talk about the concept of a relationship being 50-50, you having 50% of that share, and the other party having 50% of that share of the relationship. Now, my question to you is with your 50%, have you done the best that you can in your possible ways to ensure that it is a good relationship? So reflect on your contribution in this broken work relationship. Look in the mirror. Point number two is to understand perspectives. Seek to understand the other person's perspective by engaging in an open and empathetic communication. Actively listen to their concerns and try to see the situation from their point of view. Now this is a step that often stops the majority of people at work. When there's a broken work relationship, people go and hide their hand head in the sand, so to speak, or just avoid or ignore the situation altogether. That's unrealistic and very unhealthy if you're going to just avoid everything altogether. So understanding perspectives and having that first conversation is essential. If you can, you really, really, truly must. So I've got some tips in relation to that. Active listening needs you, the listener, to have an open mind and a free mind to receive the incoming messages. So ensure that you're not in fairy land or thinking of what to say next. Be present in this conversation. The truth is a person knows when they have been heard or when they are being listened to. Imagine it for yourself. You know in a conversation when the other party is listening to you or whether they're just there but not there. So think of the opposite. Let's flip it. We all remember when we've been dismissed, ignored, or have been overlooked. It feels crap, so you need to be truly present in this conversation that you're having to amend that broken work relationship. Point number three. So you've had the conversation, and now it might be time to take responsibility. Accept responsibility for your actions and apologize sincerely if necessary. Acknowledge any mistakes or misunderstandings and express a genuine desire to work towards a resolution or many resolutions. If anything is raised and you have done wrong, then own it. If you disagree with whatever's been raised, say so with compassion and conviction. You need to lead with heart and head and backbone. That's the other thing I say often when I'm talking to leaders. So you need to lead with heart, compassion. You need to lead with head, discernment, and you need to lead with a backbone, courage. So be willing to take on the feedback and to learn. Remember, you don't have to respond immediately. You can take your time to digest the feedback. This is the missing part for many. If you are like me and you have a quick tongue, you need to stop. Others may well have a quick temper. Others might get defensive, others might get moody. So the thing here is that we don't want to mask our feelings, so take a pause and time out. You can say that you're grateful for the feedback and you'd like to take time out for you to digest the information and continue the conversation and that you will be in touch. Now a big tip here is not to leave the conversation part two for more than twenty forty-eight hours. Otherwise it lingers. So don't leave it for over two days. Have that part two of your conversation and make sure you are well prepared for it. Point number four is that you have to rebuild trust. And rebuilding trust is crucial in repairing a damaged relationship. Be consistent in your words and actions and follow through on commitments and demonstrate your reliability and your transparency. Essentially, if you say you're gonna do something, go uh go and do it. In this period, you'll be on what I call relationship probation, or essentially both parties will be because you're checking each other out. And this is a crucial period to finally get things right and to act on your agreed commitments on both sides. Get this right because it is a massive first step. So this is rebuilding trust. And then how to mend uh broken work relationships. You've had your conversation, you've taken ownership potentially, you've had some really meaningful outcomes in the way that you're going to be working together. So now, point five, find common ground, look for common interests or goals that can serve as a foundation for rebuilding the relationship. Identify areas where you can collaborate or find mutual benefit, fostering a share a sense of shared purpose. So, can you work on a project together? Can you meet for a coffee in the staff kitchen every now and then? And the trick here is not to become best friends, but to start small and to start genuinely. Here you need to work out what that is for you, what is gonna work for you in your specific situation. Okay, and then you need to maintain the relationship. So point number six is that you have to communicate effectively, foster an open and honest communication with the other party, clearly express your thoughts and concerns while being receptive to their feedback, avoid defensive or confrontational language, and strive for constructive dialogue. Get to know each other's communication styles. If your workplace provides psychometric tests such as disk or print, you know, whatever they offer, get that done. And really review everything, not only your results, but their results as well. And then using such a tool, have an adult conversation around the ways that you both communicate, what your listening styles are, your needs when someone is conversing with you, etc. So have that adult conversation and then therefore keep your conversations going. And point number seven, if you have tried everything and still your relationship is strained, seek mediation if needed. So if the relationship remains strained despite of your efforts, consider involving a third neutral party, such as a mediator or a supervisor, to facilitate the resolution process. Now, I have acted as a mediator for many people. It's a really interesting and tricky role to play, but it can be done well. You know, conflict at work often happens when each party's needs have not been met. And when the parties can communicate those said needs effectively with the tips that I've just given you in this podcast, you should be able to reconcile, you should be able to mend your working relationship. However, when the parties are unable to articulate their needs or the needs which haven't been met, that's when you use someone like me. It has to be a neutral person connected to the greater goal of mediating a conversation between you and the other party for the agreed goals of X, Y, and Z. So you need to have agreed goals set up front. Mediation works best when both parties are open to it. So remember that. And last but not least, I've got a really good philosophical one for you. Greet as if for the first time. I'll say it again. Greet as if for the first time. Now, what does that mean? People have stuff going on. One big lesson I have been taught is to wipe the slate clean each time. Now caveat. There are some behaviors that you cannot wipe clean, and I'm not talking about those. I'm not talking about the toxic relationships or you know the negative stuff within your life. But here it's about the relationship that you want repaired. So greet as if for the first time. What I am talking about is the petty stuff that you might be holding on to. This stuff is doing you harm. So try wiping the slate clean, dropping the shit and greeting them as if for the first time and see where you get to. I wish you well in mending your work relationships, your broken work relationships, because remember, we spend more time off our waking day at work than we do with our loved ones. It has to be a good place to be. So if you're against lousy leaders, toxic teams and crappy cultures, then you are with me, comrade. Go forth and be brilliant. And I'll see you in the next episode. Ciao for now. Sign up to my newsletter, which is detailed in the show notes if you stand against crappy cultures, lousy leaders, and toxic teams. And I'll see you in the next episode.